i'm not feeling well... and i just realized, i'm not good at anything... i fail at almost everything i do... i have become every parents' worst nightmare... i'm fucking lazy, i rebel, i smoke, drink and i get tattoos and piercings even though i know mum doesn't like it... i think i should'nt have been born... why?? for what? my whole life has been a total waste of time and money... and i wish you had been there to see me... but it's okay... i'll just smile and laugh as if everything is fine... yea... i'm fine... i hope... i should smoke more... and die faster... there's no point in living if there's nothing to live for... and i have nothing to live for... life has no meaning anymore... well, actually... it never did... i wish i could make the pain go away... i wish i could make everything go my way... i wish i was rich... i wish i was handsome... i wish i wasn't so lazy... i wish i was good at something... i wish i was more popular... i wish i wasn't so weird... i wish i wouldn't embarrass myself so much... why am i always surrounded by people, and yet, i feel so alone? i wanna smoke... i'm not depressed, i'm not suicidal...